mlwms

jitters

Posted 9:38 PM by Michelle

I've been experiencing a profound restlessness of late, and not the usual Michelle-boring-garden-variety "whatever should I do with my life?" kind of restlessness. It's been a physical restlessness, that no matter how tired I am from my day, no matter how sleepy I get at night, I can't seem to rest. I get home from long days at work and I can't sit, can't burrow into my fantastically comfortable couch to watch guilty pleasure TV. I don't allow myself to do this often, so I'm wondering why my body isn't letting me do it at *all*. I come home, do whatever I need to do for the evening (chores, cook, rearrange my sock drawer, etc.) and then I try to settle in and I literally can't.

I'd say I have that new invented "restless leg syndrome" disease, except for it's in my whole body. So I get up and do pathetically geeky things- like, set out the clothes for the next day (gym clothes, check, real clothes, check, what day is tomorrow? Spin or yoga? check) or even get the coffee maker as ready as possible for my morning ritual (one packet of Splenda, cinnamon, favorite travel mug, check) until I run out of things to do. Then it's off to nighttime trimming of roses out in my yard to put on the table. Check.

And then it's still only 10:12 PM, and I know no matter how tired I am, I'm hours away from sleep. Cue digging out best possible bad fantasy novels, diving between warm flannel sheets, and then reading for, literally, hours.

Maybe it's because I'm exercising too little, or more likely, too much. Maybe it's because, let's be honest, it feels like a hundred years since I've, umm, *known* someone, in the biblical sense. Maybe it's because my stress level at work is at a whole new, Grade A, fuel-injected 241 horsepower high. Maybe it's a combination of things. But I'm running out of fantasy novels, and heading toward full-scale actual exhaustion.

But... it's that time of night again. At least the roses are beautiful.